My Parents Dr & Mrs Whackadoodle
by Johsel
Summary: Story of the Whackadoodle's as told by their daughter Emily
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: This was floating in my mind, I had to start it at least**

**Journal Entry 30th November**

Hi my name is Emily Francis Cooper, today is my thirteenth birthday, and I would say that I am just an average California girl living ordinary teenager's life. However because of my parents my life is never boring.

You see my parents are Doctor & Mrs Whack a doodle or as the world knows them Dr Sheldon Lee Cooper and Mrs Penelope Ann Queen Cooper. Two of the most unordinary people you would ever met. I am not complaining I love my parents with all my heart but how can I be a normal teenager with these two.

Take my father, Dr Sheldon Cooper, Nobel Laureate, Winner of the President's medal of science, and a bunch of other stuff for his services to science etc. etc. How can a mere thirteen year girl compete with a father like that?

I mean my father spends 2.5 hours with the science teachers at my school on parent teacher night, and how much of that time is spent talking about me? Not a single second, the moment he walks into the room, every single one of the teacher there turn into groupies or something. These are supposed to be learned academics.

Forget about science fair at school, the only chance I have of even being considered as having a worthy experiment, is if I build a frigging nuclear reactor out of a match box, after all I am Sheldon Cooper's eldest daughter.

It really sucks being the daughter of a genius.

But just so you know that my father is not the only one who makes my life a living hell sometimes.

Try being the daughter of Penny Cooper, two time Academy award winner, America's sweetheart, humanitarian. The woman is impossible, and she keeps telling me the story of being an unsuccessful actress working as a bad waitress in the Cheesecake Factory. Yeah right she was that.

I mean my parents insist every Tuesday that I and my siblings go down to the Cheesecake Factory in Pasadena. Bad waitress my ass. On the way into the store it states it big bold letters, Penny Queen the best waitress this store ever had. On top of that my mother the big star that she is, will service my Dad's meal, I think she even prepares it. Ordering a meal is embarrassing we order normally, Dad and James order like they are trying to win some cooking show on CBS.

Then that meal means my night is going to be wonderful, you see my room is next to theirs in the house and it usually means they will be engaging in some very vocal coitus (their word not mine) later at their age. It is a miracle I am not in the funny farm.

Can I go to the mall with my mother like any teenage girl, nope, crowds form, a twenty minute trip to the store to get milk turns into a 4 hour ordeal.

Why? Because my loving parents insist that they will lead normal lives. Normal can someone please explain that to me, what the hell is normal.

My sisters Kaley and Briana age 7, named after two friends of my mothers who are also their god parents. Twins but not identical, Kaley has already before she was seven, been nominated for an Emmy for a guest spot on her namesakes show or Briana auditioned and now appears every week as a lead actress/singer on some Disney show.

Do get me wrong, I love my siblings, I mean was it their fault that my mother won her second academy award for a film that she shot while pregnant with them.

My brother James is as smart as Dad, which means that at age nine, he is sitting in my class at school.

On top of that guess what Mom's pregnant again, great another overachieving sibling ready to come into this world.

I am not dumb, I get straight A's, and I am good at things.

Oh dear Mother is calling, better sign off for now.

Emily closes her diary and heads out of the room.

"Yes Mom" she says

"Sweetie would you mind helping me with dinner"

"Ok"

Penny watches as her eldest daughter makes her way into the kitchen, of all her children Penny has a real soft spot for her, and so does her father. Emily is beautiful as her mother and smart as her father. However no matter how she tries she never seems to be happy with what she achieves.

Penny wants so much for her.

"What you need me to do Mom"

"Well if you can marinate the ribs for me honey and put them in the oven, I would appreciate it"

"You have followed Dad's instruction this time"

"More or less dear, more or less"

"Mom you know how he gets if it is not just right"

"Yes dear, I know believe me I Know"

Emily sighs as she marinates the ribs and places them in the oven, after making sure the temp is correct she tells her mother "All set"

"Thank you dear"

"Tell me what happened in school today"


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: I do not own anything about big bang, I only own the story.**

_ "Tell me what happened in school today"_

"Nothing much Mom"

"Emily when you say nothing much, you realise I know you are lying"

"Mom"

"What going on" Sheldon said as he came into the kitchen

"Nothing"

"Penny our eldest daughter just said nothing, I am therefore to assume that something happened"

"Correct Moonpie"

"4 out of 4 this week, I am on a roll"

"Dad, Mom, nothing important happened"

"Therefore something did happen" Sheldon replied

"Lionel Hofstadter asked her to the school dance" said James as he passed the doorway to the kitchen heading to the games room "Dad care to get your butt kicked at Halo 6"

"No Halo until after dinner James "Penny yelled "So Lionel asked you to the dance"

"Yes but I am not going"

"Why not" Sheldon asked "Your mother never turned down Lionel's father when he asked her"

"Sheldon"

"Mom you dated Leonard Hofstadter" said Kaley as she entered the kitchen

"Yes for a while I did, then I realised your father was the right one for me"

"Aww"

"Oh my God I am going to be sick" Emily said mimicking throwing up

"Emily, Mom "Briana said moving to sit with Kaley at the kitchen counter.

"Emily not all the choices you make when dating are good ones, your father dated Dr Amy Koothrappli once"

"Aunty Amy is not that bad, though the way she speaks about me having my mother's golden locks flowing down the body sculptured like the Goddess Aphrodite does sound a bit weird"

"Ya think" says Penny

"Penny, Penny, Penny"

"Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon"

"Oh my God, I going to need some serious counselling because of you two"

"Aunty Amy might be able to help" laughed Kaley as she and Briana grabbed the cutlery and other items to set up the dinner table.

"Or you could sit in a room with Uncle Raj, and have him not talk to you" Briana chuckled

"Boy you are all sooooo funny"

Sheldon moved around the counter to stand next to his eldest daughter.

"Emily it might be good for you to go to the dance" said Sheldon

"Why"

"Well it would help you socialise more"

"It has helped your father"

"I do not want to talk about it anymore, I am going to my room"

"Ok sweetie, I will call you shortly"

Emily heads back to her room, put the do not disturb sign on the door knob and flops on the bed.

Sighing she picks up her diary and begins to write

**30th November continued**

Really Lionel Hofstadter as my date to the dance, not that I have any other choices, apparently Mr Four eyes told the other kids in our grade that he had dibs on me for the dance. When Uncle Howard and Aunty Bernadette heard this from their daughter Josephine, Uncle Howard looked to ceiling and said that figures.

Josephine is my best friend, she is so much like her mother in some many ways and really creepy in others. I am not sure where she gets that from, she is always making suggestive comments to the boys on the football team, and I will have to ask Mom about that some time.

I have cheerleading practice tomorrow, cheerleading is fun and I am really good plus I think I look really hot in the skirt and my shoes are just to die for. The only downside will be that Lionel Hofstadter and his little brother Simon will most likely be in the stands, giving me weird looks. You know he told Jo that he and I will make brilliant and beautiful babies one day. Ewwww.

Mom and Dad sisters are coming to visit next week, Aunty Missy and Ruby are awesome and it is really funny how they seem to always know what buttons to push with Dad especially when Mom is not around. Once when Mom was on location with Kaley and Briana, they frustrated him so much by sitting in his spot on the couch, that I thought he was going to blow them up his mind. Eventually Dad storm off to my parents' bedroom and then we had the most awesome whip cream fight. Luckily we got it all cleaned up before Dad reappeared or else I would have been grounded for a week.

Emily stopped and closed her diary when she heard knocking at the door

"Yes"

Penny opened the door and stepped in

"Honey Dinner is ready, sweetie if you do not want to go with Lionel that is ok, but I think you should go to the dance"

"But Mom all that will happen is that Lionel will bother me until I dance with him and none of the other boys will dance with me because of him"

"Well your father and I will be chaperones for the night, so how about we keep Lionel away from you and you ask some boys to dance"

"Ok I love you Mom"

"Love you too Moonpie"

"Mom only Meemaw Mary can call me Moonpie"

"Yes sweetie" Penny laughs leaving the room "Come to dinner or else your father will get all uptight if we do not eat by 7"

"Ok"

Emily looks at her diary and exits the room, "Being a Cooper is not too bad, her parents do care even if they drive her insane"


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Sorry about how long it took for Chapter three but other stories seemed want more attention.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything about big bang, I only own the story.**

Emily walked from her bedroom to the dining room, in this house everyone had their assigned spots for dinner, Dad was at the far end, then on the left was James and Kaley then Mom and finally on the right Briana next to mom and then finally me.

Dinners at home were always lively and tonight it seems was no exception. Apparently James had done something to Briana's CD player, it seemed that it would only play her CD's backwards now, Kaley had gotten James back by apparently telling Kiara Longley that James had the hots for her.

Kiara was this tall girl in the class below us, she was not ugly but she was a tom boy, my brother is a wimp, a very smart wimp but a wimp all the same. So you see Kiara has been touching and bumping James making it known that she likes him too.

"Dad make James fix my CD player"

"What did you do to it James"

"He rigged it so all Briana's Cd's play backwards" Kaley said

"Well given some of the music you two listen to it sounds better backwards"

"Well maybe you and Kiara can make out to it James" Briana said smirking

"Kiara, James do you have a girlfriend" Penny asked

"I DO NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND"

"James do not yell at your mother" Sheldon said "Briana I will fix your CD player after dinner"

"James and Kiara sitting in a tree, ING "Kaley and Briana sang

"Girls stop it" Penny said giving both of them a clip behind the ear. Obviously my twin sisters had forgotten that Mom is extra protective of James, I think it is because he is so like Dad was when Mom first met him.

"Emily you seem a little quiet"

"She is probably dreaming about Lionel, thinking about kissing him under the bleachers at school" James said

"I heard that she had already done that "Kaley said

"Yeah I heard that she was planning on taking him to the cheerleader's special spot" Briana said

"He wishes, anyway I hear that Simon would like to kiss both of you"

"Gross"

Emily looked at her parents, noticing that they were both quietly chuckling to themselves.

"Alright enough of the boyfriend / girlfriend talk" Penny said "You three are too young to be thinking about kissing anyone"

"Aunty Ruby said you were younger Mom" Emily said

"Your Aunty Ruby has a big mouth"

"Well I am saying that you are too young" Sheldon said

"That's not fair Dad, if we wait until the age you were, the only two boys left will be the Hofstadter boys"

"Emily" Sheldon said "As your mother has told you, we will be chaperoning your dance, I suggest unless you wish to spend the evening with Lionel, you might want to cease teasing your parents"

"Ok but will you be dancing with Miss Emerson the Deputy Principal won't you Dad"

Emily watched her mother nearly choke on the food

"That woman will keep her hands off my husband or else I will go junior rodeo her ass"

Emily laughed Miss Emerson was madly in love with her father, she was always asking Emily if her father was coming to this or that. It always got worse when her mother was out of town, Dad had no idea, and all he thought was that she was dedicated to ensuring that his daughters and son got the best education. But Mom knew what she wanted.

"Penny she is a fine educator, she is only interested in what is best for our children"

Uncle Howard told me that he thinks Dad does understand what she is after but gets turned on when Mom acts this way.

"Well she will not be dancing with you, or else she will get an education in Nebraskan whoop ass"

"Mom please do not embarrass me, by beating up a teacher again"

"Again" Sheldon said

"Dad does not know, this is going to be good" James said

"Penny"

"Sheldon it was nothing"

"Penny you beat up a teacher"

"He did deserve it Dad" Emily said coming to her mom's defence

"Yes you know last year at the School fair Dad" Kaley said with a gleam in her eye.

"You were at comic con Dad" Briana added

"Oh yes, I remember Howard and Leonard saying that Stephanie and Bernadette said there was an incident where a teacher was manhandled by a parent into the school fountain"

"Yep that's the one"

"Was that you Penny?"

"Sheldon it was last year and the man has left the school"

"Mom caught him taking pictures of the cheerleaders getting changed"

"WHAT!"

"Sheldon the school handled it with great urgency when they found out"

"That man took photos of my daughter getting changed"

"I do not know, I caught him doing it"

"Then Mom grabbed him by the collar and kicked his ass and deposited him and his camera in the fountain" Kaley said

"Yeah Dad the school bullies have never bothered me since, they are terrified of Mum" James added

"Plus Dad she did right in front of Stephen Spielberg, and he cast her in that wartime flick she which is nominated for her third Oscar" Briana said

"Penny you should have told me"

"Sheldon what would you have done"

"I would hogtied the bastard and run him up the school flag pole by his balls" Sheldon said his Texan twang coming out in full force.

"Dad that is not possible" Kaley said

"Honey I believe you father would have done it, if someone does something to you girls, he would do it, no one messes with Sheldon Cooper's children"

"Yeah and he would probably win a Nobel Prize in the process" James joked

"Oh not again" Emily said "Mum promise me that I will not have to go to the ceremony a third time"

"I thought you liked the reindeer" James said

"You got to see Reindeer" Kaley and Briana asked

"No eat it" James replied

"OH MY GOD!" the twins squealed

"Yep they feed the guests the reindeers that Santa rejects"

"James stop grossing out your sisters"

"But they do"

"Enough"

Emily finished her dinner and sat quietly while she waited for everyone else, it was a rule in the house that no one left the table until after dessert. She had a bunch of homework to be done, not that any of it was due, but she liked to get it done so she could make sure it was right.

While she sat she looked at everyone around the table, yes they were not a normal family, but they were her family. She was just not as special as her other siblings that is all.

She jumped a little when her Dad spoke quietly to her and he finished his meal

"What's the matter Emily?"

"Nothing Dad" she replied trying to stop her eye from twitching

"There is something and we will talk about it before you go to bed, your mom and I are worried about you"

"Dad it is really nothing"

"We will talk later"

Emily just nodded she knew it was hopeless trying to argue with him. Her parents always knew when something was wrong. They seemed to be able to tell that with everyone, maybe she should talk to them. They had helped her before.


End file.
